Since you’re reading this on a website all about long distance relationships, I probably don’t have to tell you that being away from your main squeeze and favorite togetherness-buddy for an extended period of time is hard. 

#sohard #nofun #allthemissing

Here on Modern Love we’ve written dozen of resources about different things you can do to stay connected and grow closer while you’re far apart. There are posts on games you can play, books you can read, and things you can do. There’s an amazing list of more than a hundred inspiring long distance relationship quotes, and another one for long distance relationship gifts. I’ve even written a three-month series of weekly dates you can do (it’s a good series, if I do say so myself). But one thing I haven’t done so far is writen much about sexy stuff.

There’s a bunch of reasons for that, including the fact that I think it’s always very high-risk to get naked on a webcam (revenge porn is real, people) and the fact that once you start having phone sex it’s super easy to find yourself spending less and less time actually TALKING to each other about the sort of stuff that will build a solid and strong relationship, and more and more time breathing heavily and moaning down a long distance line.

I also think that many people in LDRs, especially younger people, can find themselves feeling pressured to say and do sexual things with a long distance partner long before they’re actually ready for that, and that once you turn the heat up in a long distance relationship it’s tempting to jump straight into a sexual relationship when you meet in person.

So I’ve mostly stayed away from discussing sex on the site except to warn you as best I can about the dangers of revenge porn (videos live forever nowadays, people) and casual intimacy.

But that has also meant that I haven’t really explored the possibilities for those of you who DO want to incorporate some saucy sexy talk in their long distance relationships. And that seems a shame, too, because there actually ARE still lots of ways you can explore this side of intimacy when you’re in a long distance relationship.

So this post is for those of you who are ready, willing, and eager to have sex be a part of your LDR. It’s for those of you who want to learn more about your partner’s preferences (and your own, because it’s truly amazing what you can learn about yourself when you’re writing about something.) It’s for those of you ready to play with fi… uh… turn up the heat.

Today we’ve got something super spicy for you. Twenty five titillating Open When Letter topics.

Wait just one second… you might be wondering. Open When LETTERS? Are you KIDDING me? I thought we were going to talk about SEXY STUFF!!!

O ye of little faith. Have you forgotten that the most powerful sex organ we have is our brain? Are you totally underestimating the power of our imagination to light fires? I think so.

If you’re interested but sceptical, give this a try. Pick even just 4-5 of these topics and write something down. If you’re feeling shy start slowly, ease into it, feel your way forward… I guarantee your partner will love it.

You wake up thinking of me 

There aren’t many things sweeter than being the first thing someone thinks about when they wake up. Include a sentimental letter and a cute pic. Let them know they’re always on your mind first thing in the morning too. 

You want to know what drives me crazy

We’re not talking about what drives you crazy in the angry sense (although that’s often worth writing letters about too, trust me). Right now, however, we’re talking about what drives you c.r.a.z.y… What floats your boat? What tickles your fancy? What tingles your spine? What gets you fired up? Write it in this letter and you’ll be more than halfway to driving your partner crazy, too.

You want to know a favourite fantasy of mine

Sharing your favourite fantasy is a great way to boost intimacy. And it’s sometimes easier to share a fantasy or write about something you feel shy about than it is to use words when you’re face to face. So pick up a pen and think fantastical. What comes to mind? Elevators? Vineyards? Yachts? An airplane bathroom (ewww… I know. I don’t think anyone who actually flies regularly really has THAT fantasy, do they?)

You want to know something about you that I find super sexy

Being desired is a huge turn on for men and women alike. Learning what about them turns you on will turn them on.

You want to know something about you I really love

This doesn’t all have to be straight up about sexy talk. A “melt-their-heart” moment is just as valuable as a “jolt-of-lightening” moment. So tell them something about them that you really love, even if it has nothing to do with sex.  

You want to know something about you I think is beautiful

Telling them something about them that you find gorgeous is sure to make them blush and heat things up.

You want to know something you do to me that I adore

Good morning texts, being tagged in memes, a kiss on the shoulder when we’re together… Little gestures are so powerful when it comes to building affection and connection. Let your partner know how much you adore the little things they do. 

You want to know what gives me the most pleasure

Knowing what turns you on, helps to turn them on. You can keep this totally PG by talking about hand-holding or detailing something sensual such as backrub by candlelight… or you can dial up the rating and the sizzle factor. 

You want to know my sexual boundaries (soft/hard limits)

Discussing sexual boundaries is an important thing to do in a mature relationship, and putting it in a letter is an easy way to be clear and get your point across. A hard limit is something that you’re absolutely not open to doing, while a soft limit is something you wouldn’t normally engage in but you’re willing to try it with the right person. The person reading the letter could be really excited to learn that they’re the special someone allowed to explore your soft limits. 

You want to know what I’d do to you if I could get my hands on you right now

Get detailed with this one. A long, detailed, drawn-out story of all the things you’d do to them is sure to be a fire starter.

You want your hands on me right now

Again, get detailed. Tell them exactly what you’d like THEM to do if they could get their hands (or mouths) on you right now.

You want to see me in my underwear 

There’s a couple of ways you could go with this. You can describe what you look like in your underwear. You could literally enclose a pair of underwear in the letter. Or… you can put in pictures. If you’re going to use pictures, be careful!!! Don’t send pictures that show your face or could identify you. Sure, it’s an actual photograph you’re sending, not a digital file. But we all have phones with cameras. It’s easy nowadays to snap a photo of a picture and… hey presto… digital file. So go for those abstract artsy shots.

You’re feeling romantic

Write a nice sentimental letter for this one and maybe even suggest a date night for the two of you. Here are some ideas for long distance dates https://www.modernlovelongdistance.com/date-night-ideas-long-distance-couples/

You need to know how much I love you

The need to know how much you’re loved often comes up after a fight or a tough day, so try to be sensitive and sweet when you’re writing this one. They may need reassurance as well as cheering up.

You need to smell me 

Okay, this idea might sound a touch creepy, but smelling your partner has actually been proven to reduce stress and be comforting. Spray some of your perfume onto the letter for a wholesome and homely feel. Or package up a tee shirt you’ve worn for a day or two. 

You want to know what I thought when I first met you

First impressions are a pretty big deal and it’s not normally information that we’re privy to. Sharing your first thoughts about someone and the first things you noticed about them is a nice way to make them smile and could even bring about a few laughs. 

You want to know my biggest turn on / You want to know my biggest turn OFF

It’s handy to know what turns your partner on and off. The turn on letter might be a turn on for the reader and the turn off letter can be entertaining and educational. Win/win. 

You’re missing me

This letter can take the sting out of being separated by distance. Let them know how much you love them and that you miss them too, and try to add something that is going to leave them smiling. A photo of the two of you is a nice addition to this letter. 

Want more…?

Want even more hot prompts? These topics are good for some lite erotic reading and educational purposes alike. Get creative with them, the more detailed the better.

  • You want to know my fantasies about you
  • You want to know how to seduce me
  • You want to know my favourite sensual experience
  • You want to know my favourite sex position
  • You want to know where I like being touched the most
  • You want to know my favourite part of foreplay

Enjoy. Sometimes just writing these letters can be as much fun as receiving and reading them. And receiving them is lots of fun.

Stay in touch by signing up for my FREE 5-day course, LDR ESSENTIALS.


  • 10 surprising ways that bring in a LDR is good for you
  • 10 questions you should ask each other early on
  • 3 big LDR pitfalls (and how to avoid them)
  • 4 fun LDR activities you probably haven’t tried, and more…

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