There are not enough words to convey how thankful I am to have had so many dear readers frequent Temptalia over the last 17 years. There have been times where all of you have kept me going and moments where even just the kind words of a single reader was enough to make my whole day. I have to send a special shoutout to the readers of Temptalia’s Discord who have been there for me over and over again in an extra special way. The trajectory of my life is the result of all of your support and continued readership; I cannot overstate how much my life has been enriched by Temptalia on the whole nor how much this endeavor has positively impacted my family and extended family.
I do not know where I would be without Temptalia. It gave me a job that I never imagined but found deeply fulfilling for almost 13 years, when not enough people get the opportunity to love the job that they do. It is what has made so many achievements in my life possible. I’m so proud of what I’ve done on Temptalia and how it has shaped the person I am today. I am a better person because of all of you. I am forever thankful for having the support of so many people in the community from readers to brands to my family that have made it as successful as it has been.
It is time for me to confess that for the last four years, I have struggled mentally, and this year is really the first where I’ve started to feel closer to normal. I lost a lot of my passion for Temptalia in late 2019, and when you’re entire life revolves around one thing that you love and you no longer love it… that really does a number on your mental health. It took me awhile to even realize that falling out of love with Temptalia and not having another outlet that really brought joy was the source of destruction of my mental state.
I worked 80+ hours a week on Temptalia without fail, but it often did not feel like work. I felt like I had a dream job, loved what I did, felt fulfilled by it, while it all supported my family. I’ve always been someone who tends to have only a few interests, and I’m still that way (0/10, do not recommend) despite trying to discover or cultivate other interests. The reality is that those 80+ hours a week that used to bring me joy started to bring me misery because I didn’t enjoy it any more, and it worsened as I pushed through and did everything I always did, just without the joy.
For awhile, the feeling that I would let readers down by taking a step back sustained me and kept me going enough to get it all done, and I felt like the love would be rekindled eventually, so I’d push through. It’s not like every single day for the last 17 years was the Best Day Ever, but even during times where I had more on my plate between the blog and personal life, I could get through tough weeks or months.
By early 2020, I spent most days on the verge of a nervous breakdown; I felt like I was ready to burst into tears all of the time, and I wasn’t managing my emotions well. There were other things going on in my personal life, too, that contributed to a heightened level of anxiety, and they were things that I needed to get through but couldn’t really “change” or offset. It was at this point that I started recognizing that I couldn’t live with that much anxiety, and I did reach out and start taking anti-anxiety medication, which was a massive help to manage that anxiety and get “through” the rest of the year. It gave me clarity at just how far I had let my mental health get away from me.
Then, Magellan passed away, which has been the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me (which does make me pretty fortunate, all things considered). It was my first real, intimate loss and experience with grief. I actually felt like I had so much closure that I was sad about his passing but I had no regrets; Mellan was just such a huge part of our lives that his lack of presence was still something that took a long time to process and work through. Do you know how inconvenient it is to be someone who tests eye makeup but tears up 10 times during the day?!
When Winnie entered our lives a few months after, he helped me center my attention and brought out feelings of joy again. He was a new hobby, allowing me to pour energy into him as I trained him, watched him grow up, and bonded with him. He was NOT an easy puppy to raise (turns out, Mellan was basically a perfect puppy and Winnie was more like 7/10 difficulty-level puppy), but he is the most affectionate and cuddly dog I’ve ever been around, so he always made it (and still makes it) worth it 🙂
In early 2022, with Winnie being able-bodied and youthful, I begged my husband to let me try fostering puppies for a local rescue. I’ve always wanted to foster, but so many dogs always tried to attack Mellan (even though he was dog-friendly!) that I did not feel comfortable doing so. My husband relented, and I had my first pair of foster puppies and promptly broke my hand within 24 hours of having them–of course, I didn’t realize it was broken until a few weeks after I did so. Obviously, this meant no fostering, so I started volunteering on-site at the rescue for the next several months. I’d go almost every morning for an hour or two. My heart felt lighter, my mood was higher, and I realized just how much I was missing from the last couple of years.
Between having limited mobility in my left hand (and my right hand was already in a state of chronic pain from overuse) and realizing what fulfillment felt like again, I decided to make some changes on Temptalia that would help minimize the stress on my hands as well as reduce some of the time spent on getting things done on the blog. These were changes like bullet-style lists (which readers actually loved) rather than trying to write the same sentence over and over again in slightly different ways, allowing me to enter dupes as I could rather than pushing beyond my pain thresholds, and reducing the number of images I took and had to edit.
It was also in this period of time that I recognized that I had been in some stage of burnout, just in general, for years and so I knew that I had to allow myself to make bigger changes, even if it would upset some readers, in an effort to try to move forward without breaking myself down in the process. Those changes have helped tremendously, as I used to be in a constant state of pain and soreness with my hand and now only have that after a particularly long photographing/editing session. One day of pain in a week instead of all seven days with little to no reprieve was well worth making changes!
As you might expect from someone capable of living in a perpetual state of burnout for four years, it is difficult to make changes, and I have always found it difficult to do them on the sly. I find I have to say it loudly so I actually hold myself accountable to those changes, which is why I will be officially transitioning away from working on Temptalia full-time to part-time over the next few months. I need to make it official so I’ll actually do it, which will give me time and space to figure out what that looks and feels like. After going at full-speed for almost 17 years, it will be an adjustment to navigate what easing off actually means.
You might not see any immediate changes as I have about six weeks of content already written but likely by Temptalia’s 17th birthday (October 2023), changes will be felt. I’m currently going to see how many posts per day makes more sense and how I want to approach the mix of brands/products I review. I’m hoping to have more time to just play with some of the makeup I have. That being said, if there are particular aspects of the site that you would be loathe to lose, I’d love to hear it as we consider archiving certain aspects of the site that we feel are non-essential and/or underutilized to help button things up and streamline parts of the site overall. This is not the end, it’s just me turning the page to the next chapter 🙂
I’m hopeful that I can rekindle my love for what I do here while giving myself more time to embrace and seek out the paths that currently bring me joy. Those paths include volunteering more, continuing to foster, and spending more time with my family. Fostering and volunteering with my local rescue has felt like it has saved me from the gaping chasms that felt like they were going to swallow me whole, and it has made it clear that in life, acts of service for others brings me the greatest sense of joy and fulfillment. It wasn’t a love for makeup but a love for helping readers love their purchases more that fulfilled me for so many years in the past. Now, I am going to embrace what has given me a sense of purpose in life and see where that path takes me.
Finally, I am incredibly privileged to have a partner in life, my husband Shaun, who has been a pillar of support for over two decades, and is truly everything that I could have ever asked for in partner. Without him, I would not have even had a chance of getting through the last few years (especially because no one else would put up with, nor appreciate, my grim humor). It is also thanks to his genius that we have built successful sites outside of Temptalia over the last decade (I help to manage those), which have given me the luxury of choosing a different path forward. He is the best, and I love him to the end of the universe!
Thank you for letting me share what’s been weighing on me these last few years as I finally feel like I’m in the right place to be vulnerable, share that vulnerability, and move forward in a meaningful way. I’m looking forward to make these changes and opening myself up to what is ahead!
Love & Lipgloss, Christine
Edited: I am overwhelmed by all of your comments! I approved all of them this evening and will be responding to them personally tomorrow. Thank you!!
Recent Comments