So, I was on Twitter this morning, minding my own business and hanging out with the people I choose to follow, when suddenly I was blindsided by Avengers: Endgame spoilers. Didn’t see it coming, just showed up on my screen like a surprise middle finger from Thanos. I, of course, bailed once I realized what the hell was happening. Not to make excuses, but it was early and my brain was not fully cognizant enough to play effective defense on the quick. I digress.
That’s on me. I should know the Internet by now. It’s a dark place full of terrors, and the second you start absent-mindedly scrolling through random tweets, you open yourself up to all manners of deranged thought and filth. Deep down I’m aware of that, but normally if you screw up it’s just infuriating conspiracy theories or gross thoughts that shouldn’t have ever been typed. An Endgame spoiler is so much worse, and I just didn’t see it coming, not after how hard Disney worked to keep everything quiet on this.
The Mouse House has spent the past year guarding Avengers: Endgame spoilers with a level of care and zealous dedication I’ve never seen before. Journalists who attended the junket only screened 20 minutes of the film. The trailers have avoided the blow-by-blow rehash of the plot so common in today’s give-everything-away-to-sell-tickets approach. It’s all been very organized and careful. And then someone casually took a shitty video of the screen with his phone (or her phone in case it’s a woman out there who’s the worst), and now other people on social media are having their mornings ruined too because trolls, in typical troll fashion, are just passing all of those spoilers along.
We’re not going to run the spoilers. We’re not going to tell you what’s in the spoilers. We’re not going to point you in the right direction of the spoilers. Hard stop. People spent years of their lives and insane amounts of money… I can’t even imagine how many soccer games were missed and family dinners had to be pushed back in order to try and end this thing properly. It was a monumental effort, and whether it ultimately lives up to my expectations or not, I want to learn all the secrets as they were intended to be revealed. I think most of you probably feel the same way. The Russo Brothers definitely do.
In fact, following this news this morning, Joe and Anthony Russo came out of the woodwork and pulled a similar stunt to the one they pulled ahead of Avengers: Endgame last year: They asked anyone to keep anything they know and anything they learn quiet until the movie is out and they have someone else who has seen the movie to share it with. But don’t take it from me:
As for the jerkoff who took the video… I’m not a big lecture person, but how did this seem like a good idea? Disney gave you an advanced screening of Avengers: Endgame. You should have acted like a normal human being and just used all that knowledge to tease your friends about having all the answers. That’s the play here. There was an easy way to get validation without resorting to this. Now I’m sure an army of smart people at Disney are on your trail, and this won’t end well.
So, to sum up, there are spoilers out there. Someone took crappy cell phone videos. People are sharing the videos because trolls gonna troll, and maybe we should just all avoid using the Internet for like 10 days. We could read books or do crossword puzzles or become people that knit. I’ve heard good things about knitting.
Regardless, everyone has a choice here, all you have to do is keep your wits about ourselves. Maybe mute all your friends that suck for a few weeks. Buy a bomb shelter and move down there. If you have a job that requires working on the Internet, maybe just quit. Do whatever you need to do. I ended up on the wrong side of this, and it’s a lot less fun over here.